My ring...

So the Friday before Mother's Day I was shocked when the girls at worked surprised me with a Mother's Day gift. I was sitting at my computer and working away. Then I was "arguing" with Chaka, my coworker, and she was asking me why I was yelling at her in front of ALL these people. What??? I thought it was just me, her & the guy that she was talking to. I turned around and pretty much all the ladies that I work with were standing in my cubicle staring at me. One was holding flowers with a card & one was holding a little black box. I was so shocked to see all of them. And immediately said "Y'all suck". Then I opened the card and right away started crying as I read "Love Jason, Kayla Joy & William Jason". And so I said "See I told y'all you sucked even before I opened the card." Man that was hard. I think all the girls were crying at the point and laughing at the same time. Next I opened the little box and saw that they had gotten me my Mother's ring that I had wanted to get with our names on it. It's so beautiful. See below:They told me that it was taking longer to come in than they expected, but that it was perfect timing for Mother's Day and in time for the March of Dimes walk.

I forgot to post about the BEAUTIFUL blanket they got me. The corner pictures are in color, the pictures of William are in black & white. It's a woven blanket - it's amazing how they are able to print pictures on a blanket like that.

11 weeks

Today is 11 weeks since William was born into Heaven. Still can't believe it. I miss my little man so much. And wishing Kayla had the chance to be the best big sister ever. Seeing her see other babies is so amazing and hurts me so much cuz I know how AWESOME she'd be with her baby William. I never thought I'd feel sad or mad that other women had babies and I didn't, I think it hurts more because Kayla won't get that experience even though she is a a big sister. She is so amazing and I love how she hasn't forgotten her Daddy or baby brother. Not that I think she ever will but she's so young so I wasn't sure if she'd remember. But she loves talking about them and has even seen them too. I am glad they come to visit her. I haven't had that experience yet...I don't think I am ready and my boys know that. One day I know it'll be amazing.

2 months...

Wow! 2 months already since William was born. Man I can't believe it. And Thursday it'll be 9 months since Jason's accident. It all seems like yesterday some days and others it seems like forever ago. With every passing day it seems like I'm losing a part of them - kinda like I'm forgetting them. I bought myself an Ipod for Mother's day last week and have been listening to songs at work. On Friday I was getting something off the copier and our wedding song started playing - Amazed by Lonestar. I really thought I was going to breakdown at work. I was able to keep it together somehow, but I just sat at my desk and closed my eyes and tried to remember back to our special day. I remember very vividly him wondering when our song was going to be over - he never was big on dancing. And I'm sure he didn't care too much for me singing to him. :) Oh well. And then the song we played during the slideshow at his service played - Photographs & Memories by Jason Reeves (pretty awesome song). I used to listen to that song almost every day. And again I sat at my desk with my eyes closed trying to remember what his voice sounded like. Wow I didn't realize how much I've been keeping my emotions to myself as I'm crying writing this. I guess I really need to keep up with this a little bit more - it may help me. People are always saying how strong I am, but I feel like the biggest baby right now. Kinda like that "I want my mommy" feeling with the biggest "booboo" that she can't just kiss and make it all feel better. WOW - this is really hard for me. So I guess that means it's time for me to go. I'm going to go see if my boys are in the sky tonight and tell them how much I love them and miss them. I will update more tomorrow about my wonderful Mother's Day gift from my co-workers and the March of Dimes of walk that was on Saturday. Love to all!

6 weeks...

So yesterday was 6 weeks since my precious baby William became an angel. I still can't believe it. I should still be pregnant - not due til May 2nd. Out of all the women's stories I've read I have not seen one that has not had to be induced. I guess I can say I'm one of a kind. :) But I did always say that my lil man would break my water. He sure knew how to take my breath away with those powerful kicks to the ribs. I loved every one of them though. I am still not quite sure what God has in store for me, why he's given me all of this heartache. I don't think my heart can take anymore. Not really sure how I've taken all that has happened to me so far. I just wish one day I'd wake up and my Jason & William would be back and we'd be a complete family of 4 and all that has happened had been a horrible nightmare. Oh man do I want that so bad. For my daughter to have HER daddy back and be the BEST big sister to her lil baby brother. I know everything happens for a reason, just wish I knew what the reason was.

Here's a little update: I started back to work on Monday, so far so good. Everyone I work with is so awesome and VERY supportive. My March of Dimes team - Willy J's Angels - has 27 walkers not include our children. We've already raised almost $1300 which is so awesome - I set the team goal at $2000, really being optimistic (which is so not me), but I think we actually will make it. We have 3 fundraisers to do and we are having a garage sale this Saturday and I'm donating all money from the sale to the MOD and we still have 16 days left til we walk. I would also like to share a picture of a BEAUTIFUL sight that I saw Tuesday morning when I was leaving the house. This picture is not the best quality, but it's a picture of the moon and 2 stars - I like to say it's my Jason & William saying "Good Morning" (the second star is kinda hard to see, it's on the right side almost to the edge of the pic).

It kinda took me by surprise because when we got home the night before there were tons of stars in the sky. Whenever we get home and it's dark Kayla always says Hi to her daddy & baby William - she gets so excited or "exciting" as she says. :) She's so funny. A few months ago she used to say "Look at all the Daddy stars, Mom" - every time she sees a star, no matter where it is or what it's on, she says "That's my Daddy". I love it, she's too amazing.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep pictures

All,


Here are pictures & a slideshow from Sandy Allen, the photographer that was there for me taking pictures when William was born. She works with the organization, Now I Lay me Down to Sleep – she was awesome. These pictures are all great. I do warn you that you will see all the emotions that we had during the delivery – so crying may happen. You will not see anything graphic, but you will see my bare thigh (you may not even notice) and the top part of my breast – just wanted to warn you. There are pictures of William of course. Sandy touched up the discoloration on his face so he does look different from the pictures some of you have seen already. She is sending me a CD with all the pictures & slideshow on them, so I can make copies of any of them if any of you would like. I also have pictures on Snapfish from Samantha & Crystal’s cameras if you would like to see those please email me back so I can give you access to see them.


Pictures
http://www.allaboutmephotography.com/gallery - click on William, password is “Wendt”


Slideshow – has songs, so you may want to turn music off if you are at work.
http://www.sandyallenphotography.com/wendt.html


Love to all,

Sara

Sandwritten

UPDATE - Here is the new picture of WILLIAM JASON. I also found another site that does the same type of pictures, but they have the sunset in the background. I think I'm going to contact them too.

Thought I'd share the picture of William's name written in the sands of Hawaii. They will be redoing the picture as I requested William Jason and they only did William. I will post the new picture once I get it. I'm excited to print this out and frame it to put in the curio cabinet that I'm going to buy to match Jason's.

Update on March of Dimes...

I am happy to say we have a team of 11 right now. YAY! And thanks to everyone who has signed up or donated - it means a lot to me!! We are also off to a good start with donations - $85 so far and we still have 41 days until we walk. GREAT JOB!! Samantha's brother's boss has offered to do the team shirts for $5 each, which is awesome! Thanks Vernon & Tommy! And to let everyone know I'm still hanging in there. Trying to stay busy which really helps. And I have Kayla to keep me very busy! Not sure what I'd do without her. I love her. Thanks for everyone's support through everything. Love to you ALL!!