Monday, May 11, 2009

2 months...

Wow! 2 months already since William was born. Man I can't believe it. And Thursday it'll be 9 months since Jason's accident. It all seems like yesterday some days and others it seems like forever ago. With every passing day it seems like I'm losing a part of them - kinda like I'm forgetting them. I bought myself an Ipod for Mother's day last week and have been listening to songs at work. On Friday I was getting something off the copier and our wedding song started playing - Amazed by Lonestar. I really thought I was going to breakdown at work. I was able to keep it together somehow, but I just sat at my desk and closed my eyes and tried to remember back to our special day. I remember very vividly him wondering when our song was going to be over - he never was big on dancing. And I'm sure he didn't care too much for me singing to him. :) Oh well. And then the song we played during the slideshow at his service played - Photographs & Memories by Jason Reeves (pretty awesome song). I used to listen to that song almost every day. And again I sat at my desk with my eyes closed trying to remember what his voice sounded like. Wow I didn't realize how much I've been keeping my emotions to myself as I'm crying writing this. I guess I really need to keep up with this a little bit more - it may help me. People are always saying how strong I am, but I feel like the biggest baby right now. Kinda like that "I want my mommy" feeling with the biggest "booboo" that she can't just kiss and make it all feel better. WOW - this is really hard for me. So I guess that means it's time for me to go. I'm going to go see if my boys are in the sky tonight and tell them how much I love them and miss them. I will update more tomorrow about my wonderful Mother's Day gift from my co-workers and the March of Dimes of walk that was on Saturday. Love to all!


  1. Happy Mother's Day! I'm sorry it has been difficult but I'm not surprised considering the holiday. Not a good day for grieving moms. I can feel the heartache in your words and I just want to give you a hug through the computer screen. ((((((hug)))))) I think it may help if you write more. I know it helps me get everything out.

  2. Hi Sara. Happy (belated) Mother's Day! I think it's good that you write about Jason. For you to heal and for Kayla to one day read. I hope you're doing ok. You and Kayla are never far from my thoughts.

    -Tara Keller

  3. I just cannot even imagine BOTH losses... Losing our baby was bad enough... losing more than that - - my heart is amazed by you. Keep writing. We're here to read and listen and to offer support....