Thursday, April 23, 2009

6 weeks...

So yesterday was 6 weeks since my precious baby William became an angel. I still can't believe it. I should still be pregnant - not due til May 2nd. Out of all the women's stories I've read I have not seen one that has not had to be induced. I guess I can say I'm one of a kind. :) But I did always say that my lil man would break my water. He sure knew how to take my breath away with those powerful kicks to the ribs. I loved every one of them though. I am still not quite sure what God has in store for me, why he's given me all of this heartache. I don't think my heart can take anymore. Not really sure how I've taken all that has happened to me so far. I just wish one day I'd wake up and my Jason & William would be back and we'd be a complete family of 4 and all that has happened had been a horrible nightmare. Oh man do I want that so bad. For my daughter to have HER daddy back and be the BEST big sister to her lil baby brother. I know everything happens for a reason, just wish I knew what the reason was.

Here's a little update: I started back to work on Monday, so far so good. Everyone I work with is so awesome and VERY supportive. My March of Dimes team - Willy J's Angels - has 27 walkers not include our children. We've already raised almost $1300 which is so awesome - I set the team goal at $2000, really being optimistic (which is so not me), but I think we actually will make it. We have 3 fundraisers to do and we are having a garage sale this Saturday and I'm donating all money from the sale to the MOD and we still have 16 days left til we walk. I would also like to share a picture of a BEAUTIFUL sight that I saw Tuesday morning when I was leaving the house. This picture is not the best quality, but it's a picture of the moon and 2 stars - I like to say it's my Jason & William saying "Good Morning" (the second star is kinda hard to see, it's on the right side almost to the edge of the pic).

It kinda took me by surprise because when we got home the night before there were tons of stars in the sky. Whenever we get home and it's dark Kayla always says Hi to her daddy & baby William - she gets so excited or "exciting" as she says. :) She's so funny. A few months ago she used to say "Look at all the Daddy stars, Mom" - every time she sees a star, no matter where it is or what it's on, she says "That's my Daddy". I love it, she's too amazing.


  1. You're right...not very many women go into labor naturally when they're carrying an anen baby. So you are unique! Oh gosh, how I would love to wake up and it all be a dream. I'd have my baby beside me and she would be alive and well. I wish with all my heart that could be true-for both you and me.

    I'm glad that work is going ok. I was going to go back next week but since it is only 4 weeks I would've needed a dr's note so I just said heck with it so I'm taking the 6 weeks.

    Your team has a lot of members and that's great! I hope you can raise even more money and that you have a nice day for your walk. Mine isn't until Sept! I don't know why it's so late.

    Couldn't see that star on the right but it's a neat pic.

  2. That is so very precious! I love that she sees her Daddy & now William in the stars.

    I agree that I wish this was all a dream and I have not had to endure what you have. I wish more so for you that it could have been that way, a dream to wake up from and have it be nothing more than a nightmare to forget. I am so sorry....For you, for me, for HOlly, for PJ, for all the moms out there who have had to endure the pain of such loss.

    I am encouraged by your MOD walk! I think that is so wonderful you have so many on your team and have raised so much already! That is so very great! We plan on walking as well but might wait until next year as the one nearest us is this weekend. Don't think I want to do all that walking just yet!

    I was also glad to hear that you contacted Monika. She has a great service she offers by having that website. It was one of the first that I found and I am so glad that I did. She is a great lady!

  3. Hey girl, Just got a chance to read your update. I know, I understand right al ong with you. I wish to that all that you went through was the worse dream ever.\
    Your men in your life were wonderful. I too miss them dearly. I miss flicking J;s ear when he said a smartass comment to me. :) I miss feeling William Kick my hand, I miss holding him and signing to him.
    One day you will be that complete family of 4! Hang in there your chores are not through, I guess theirs were. Their job is to protect you and Kayla and Charles and Raelene. Your husband already "saved" Raelene once whne I needed him to. Be Proud of him.
    I love you