Preparing for the holidays...

Wow, Thanksgiving is tomorrow. This will be the 1st year without both Jason & William. I have decided to just spend the day with Kayla instead of being around a bunch of family. Remembering how my birthday was I think it's probably a good idea. Who knows how many times I will break down tomorrow. Hopefully keeping busy will help a little. We will be going to see "A Christmas Carol" tomorrow. And then afterwards we'll start decorating for Christmas. The tree is already up, but I hope to actually put ornaments on it this year. Last year the tree was up all month without any ornaments - never really got in the mood to put them on there. I was able to find a matching stocking for William - I was so excited. Jason & I bought some 3 years ago that have chalkboards on them for our names and I didn't think they made them anymore or at least have them at Target still, but they did.

I really love Christmas time - especially getting to buy gifts for everyone I love. But this year is probably gonna be the hardest. I thought last year was pretty hard...1st year without Jason and found out right before that William had anencephaly. This year I won't have either here with me...I won't get to go shopping for the fun little toys for William to play with or see his face when he sees what Santa brought him. Or video tape the whole morning of him tearing open ALL of the gifts that Mommy & Daddy bought him which would probably be way too many. Or have his big sister, Kayla, help him open the gifts and have her buy her little brother Christmas gifts for the first time. Oh how much fun she would have. :(

I need to get through the rest of this year...can I do it? I wonder every day how I will do it. And hope that 2010 will be a better year. I can't believe I have survived the last 15 months - sometimes I don't even know how I have.

Birthdays...

Today is William's 8 month birthday. Wow! Really?!?! 8 months?!?! Time goes by so fast these days! I miss him so much EVERY DAY!

My 28th birthday was on Monday. I think I cried 5 times that day - just wasn't a great bday for me. This is the 1st year without both of my boys and my wonderful Memaw. My friends and family tried so hard to make it a great bday for me, but I just couldn't allow it to be. But my 3 wonderful angels knew it was a hard day for me and they gave me a pretty amazing present...

I was driving home to get Kayla so I could drop her off so I could go out to dinner with some friends. It was a pretty blah day with rain and all...and as I was getting closer to my turn for my house I noticed a rainbow (just a little one I thought) and it seemed to get brighter and brighter as I got closer. And when I turned onto my street I saw the biggest most beautiful rainbow I had ever seen before. I just started to cry and it started raining harder and I just know that was them crying because they were not here for me. And the rainbow started to fade away and was completely gone before I got to the stop sign on the other end. I thought about pulling out my phone to take a picture, but there is no way I could have gotten the whole thing - it was HUGE. I will remember that forever - that was a great bday gift from them.

I LOVE Y'ALL SO VERY MUCH...AND MISS Y'ALL EACH AND EVERY DAY!


This is pretty much what it looked like before I turned onto the street:

And this is like what I saw when I turned (without all the buildings):

Sorry so long...

I first want to apologize for not keeping my blog updated. It has been 2 months since I've posted anything. A lot has happened in 2 months.

I celebrated my 5 year wedding anniversary with my best friends and our kids. Jason's best friend, Jason (Sam's husband), and I went and saw Transformers 2 - a movie that Jason would have loved. Jason had to work later that night, but Sam, the kids & I went out to Tokyo Steakhouse for dinner - Jason & I have enjoyed spending many dates/anniversaries eating there (they are quite good).



My handsome husband as a little boy! So cute! :)



Me as a little girl...I have to say I was pretty darn cute too! :)



Us on our wedding day - July 10, 2004

August 14th was the 1 year anniversary of Jason's accident. I went and got a tattoo in memory of Jason that day.



After I got my tatoo, Sam, Jason & I went and put a cross out where Jason's accident was. We had a lot of trouble putting it up. The ground was very hard, so hammering it in was difficult. And the cross actually broke into a few pieces. :( but we were able to get it back together and it came out pretty nice.



Jason hammering away!



Dang thing broke! :(



But it turned out pretty awesome, I must say! :)

After we put the cross out we went to the park and had a nice rememberance party for Jason. We had a great turn out - family, co-workers and friends showed up. We all wrote notes and tied them to balloons and had a balloon release honoring Jason. It was so nice to have everyone get together. We stayed until it was dark to see if the boys would shine down bright on us and of course they both did. That was pretty awesome too!!

Upcoming anniversaries...

So I can already feel myself starting to break down. This week is NOT going to be a good week. Friday will be Jason & my 5 year wedding anniversary. Saturday will be 4 months since William was born. And then next Tuesday will be 11 months since Jason's accident - I really can't believe it's almost been a YEAR. I am feeling so alone right now. I miss my boys so much, I think about them all the time. We should all be together right now. Jason and I should be going on a hot air balloon ride on Friday like we planned 2 years ago. William should be learning to rollover like Kayla did at 4 months. Jason and I should be starting to make homemade baby food for our little handsome boy. Kayla should just be Kayla the sweetest little girl that would be so cute with her little brother. Y'all should see her with any other little baby boy that she sees. It's too cute and it just kills me EVERY time - I really don't know how I keep it together. Man, what am I going to do...

MckLinky

This blog was created for my baby boy William Jason. I found out that I was pregnant with him about 3 weeks after his daddy passed away in a motorcycle accident. Then in December 2008 I found out that he had anencephaly, a fatal birth defect. William was born into Heaven on March 11, 2009 - 7-1/2 weeks early. This blog is in memory of both my boys as I try to keep family and friends updated as to what's going on and how Kayla (William's big sister) & I are doing.

To William from Tia (aunt) Rachel...

My sister posted this on her myspace when William was born:

to my sweet baby nephew.

hey honey, its your aunt rachel. i just wanted you to know how much i wish i could have met you. i saw your ultrasound, you are so handsome, just like your daddy. you should know your mommy loves you more than anything, and so does the rest of the family. keep your daddy great company and watch over your mommy, big sister, and all the family. and when i get to heaven, i want the world's biggest hug from you mister. i love you baby william jason wendt. youre forever and always in my heart.

RIP 3.11.09♥

Big Sister Kayla...

So I finally bought Kayla a "big sister" shirt at Kohl's a couple of weeks ago (I believe it's the same one that Carleigh's big sister, Kyndra has). She wore it one day last week to daycare - she was super excited. Kayla fell asleep on the couch that night in the clothes she wore to daycare, so instead of waking her up to change into pjs, I just let her sleep in those clothes. Well the next day she did not want to take off the shirt. She said that she wanted to be a big sister. I told her that she was a big sister and that the shirt didn't change that. Today at lunch I went to Carter's store and found another big sister shirt - this one says "Big Sisters Rock". It is super cute - I would have taken a picture, but can't seem to find my camera right now. Kayla is excited to wear it tomorrow. I am sure she will not want to take it off tomorrow when we get ready for bed. Buying that shirt reminded me that I never posted videos of William & Kayla. She sang songs to him at the hospital. She's such a great BIG SISTER. Sorry to all that I am not better at posting things here. I will try to get better. :) UPDATE - so I guess I can't post videos just yet. The two videos I have are bigger than the max. that I can post. I will need to figure out how to get them up. Stay tuned...sorry.