My decision...

Ever since I found out, my mind has been flip flopping on what to do. Do I do it now and continue with the grieving that I'm already going through with Jason? Or do I wait and enjoy as much as I can of the next few months with my son and start the grieving process completely over again? Every day my decision was different, never the same two days in a row. I was online reading blogs of women going through the same thing and wasn't quite sure how they were doing it. Monday, December 29th my decision was to keep going as long as my doctor would let me. Tuesday, December 30th I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor and my lovely best friend, Samantha, had 20 questions for my doctor. She answered each question for us and during the appointment I couldn't tell her what I was going to do. Afterwards, my other best friend, Crystal, who went with me to the appointment & I started talking in the parking lot about what the doctor told us. For the 1st time my decision was the same 2 days in a row, so that's when I knew I had to keep going. Especially since most likely William will be still born and he will not look like a full term baby if I do it now. I really don't think I can handle that right now. And if I continue to full term I may have a chance to say goodbye to my baby boy - something I did not get to do with my husband. I had another follow-up January 13th. I told my doctor my decision and she supports me completely, she's an awesome person. William's heart rate is 140 which is awesome. And my belly is measuring on track, which means no excess amniotic fluid which is a huge concern and would cause me to deliver earlier than term. My next appointment - February 3rd - we will get to do another sonogram (more pictures of my handsome boy), I get to do the awesome glucose test (I'm so excited).